To tell or not to tell

Dalam hidup berumah tangga nih, dulu bagi aku semua benda aku nak beritahu ker ayang aku. Like every tiny details that i do in every single day of me, but lelaki bukanlah pendengar yang baik. Even though it seem like they listen to you, but the poker face they made make you realize that it is not worth to tell all about it and at the end you need to surpass this congested things out of your
head ASAP.

So in the end you choose to just keep everything inside you, not really everything but things you think just won't give you a smile after you tell him as the thing itself will just make him give your a look that you just added a new problem to what he already have.

One of many things that i kept away from my hubby is my financial difficulties as if you have had read my writings, you know that i just put my self in hell for the last year and year coming. I can't even dare to say that i don't have money to him as i know thing will just get more complicated afterwards. All i can do is pretend that i have enough money but the truth is to pay my car gas at every end of month is just a misery for me to handle.

But i'm gratefull enough, syukur Alhamdullillah, that even though sometimes there were just less than rm100 in my bank account, i still can provide my kids and i with food, my car with gas and myTnG with credit...that is all the essential things that i need to move on with my life.

Not everyday is the worst day, i do have extra income like my house that i rent out and my claims when i go for outdoor tasks and i won't complain much as long my mom get her fixed allowance every month, all the bills are paid that is more than enough for me, the only thing that lack out is my financial stability and ability to buy things i need and also to help out my hubby on his own financial difficulties. So due to that, by telling him this is like adding more problems to his head.

How i get away from this situation? is just by lived out in a fantasy world, keep my self away from thinking of it, just go through everyday in day to day basis. and the best things to do is just to keep my focus to work, my babies, and watch a lot of korean dramas hahahhaah, coz each time i watch new drama, my head will fully focus on what is happening in it and of course this is not something my hubby like, but i think that is the only activity i do that dedicated just for me and me alone. Ahhh some will never understand why, and to explain it is just a waste of time.

Think of this, i think i do need to find a better pay job huhuhuhuh.